Dear Experiment 327,
Haha, I'm glad you enjoyed that. And I'm really glad I brought you a short moment of happiness. I really wish you could feel that all the time. Who knows? Someday you will.
I never thought of it that way. That is a very interesting concept. Maybe giving up was an advantage for me. It's definitely something to think about, and I will. Thank you for giving me something to occupy my mind with, something else to think about other than where my next meal's coming from.
The facility created a huge gap in my life that I've been trying to fill ever since. Who I was as a child and who I am now are two completely different people (naturally, of course). As a kid, I was fearless. I thought I knew it all, and I had amazing street smarts. That, of course, is what got me caught. Today, I would describe myself as fearful of everything. I'm scared, worried, sick, and fragile. But that's what keeps me living. That's what the facility taught me. It broke down my selfish pride and it gave me real street smarts. I fully believe that the mutants who were in a facility and managed to break out have a great advantage over the others. I hope that some day you will have that advantage as well.
I wonder how people do it- lock the memories away. Though that's so bad for their mental stability... When I broke out I promised myself I'd keep the memories fresh and alive. If I locked them up, I'd go insane. I wouldn't live another day. I remember watching people die and I remember their screams. Maybe you remember mine? You and everyone else in that facility would have been the last people to hear my voice. I can't exactly describe it, because I don't remember what it sounds like. Even then, I had no idea. Like you said, we weren't allowed to talk. All I knew was the sound of my screaming, and that's very different from the sound of a voice.
The thought of possibly meeting you one day gives me a renewed hope. It gives me something to look forward to. I would love to make that happen. I would love to show you the outside world, the sun and the air. It's a dismal world, but compared to being in the facility it.. It almost gives you hope.
I think there are some with hope left over. Those who have been shown the darkest corners of the dead Earth and still live to tell the tale. I think I have hope too, somewhere deep inside of me. Hope for humanity, hope for the world. But every waking hour I live challenges that. I know nothing will change in my life time. I'll have to survive in this world until I die. But I live thinking that maybe if I can make even one person smile in their darkest hours, then my life was worth it. So thank you for sharing with me that you laughed. I could die right here, right now and be perfectly happy. It was all worth it. For a split second, I considered it. Dying happy. But I couldn't leave my companion behind, not now.
I want to give you hope, too. I want you to know that you are not forgotten. That even in that cell prison where not even the sun light reaches, time still flows. Air still moves. You still breathe. Even in your darkest hours you smiled and laughed. That's proof enough that there's still a tiny flame inside you. If you want out, you gotta let it burn. Like I said before, become obsessed. Sometimes, in that facility, what stops us aren't the walls made of cement that contain us. What stops us are the walls we build over our hearts. So break 'em down.
...Oh God, it happened again. I got really off track and all sappy and stuff. I'm sorry. I must sound absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn't even talk (well, it's not really talking..) that way around my companion, who I've known for years now. I use sign to communicate, and I don't ever say much. I guess I just took the opportunity to ramble. If you ever wanna tell me to shut up... Don't hesitate. Please. I'm an expert at shutting up.
As for how I remembered my name... I had a way. I'm very sorry to hear that you gave up. Have you considered re-naming yourself?
I gotta admit, your days probably aren't too thrilling. Mine weren't. But tell me about them anyway. Every detail. I'm starving for conversation, and I'm sure you are too.
More scientist? That's, ah.. Since when did they need more scientists? They always had more than enough. This project of theirs must be something huge. New machinery to Harvest.... That worries me. Thank you for the information. You could very well have saved our lives. I wish I had news for you. I will keep on the look out for anything that may prove useful to you.
I'm also very sorry to hear that you'll be showcased. ...Where will they be showcasing you? If it is not too much to ask.
How we met? That's a long story. A really freaking long story. It's complicated, too. I'm sorry. I hope you understand.
I hope to hear from you soon.
-Xavier
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Experiment 327- Ha
Dear Xavier,
I think it's the first time I've laughed in awhile. Just getting your letters and then hearing how much they mean to you as well. It was such an odd sound to hear come from my own mouth. I had to stop, wondering what was wrong with me before I realized it was normal, I was meant to make those kinds of noises, because it meant I was happy. I don't remember the last time I've felt this way, but thank you so much.
I can't help but disagree, but I don't want to argue much on the matter. You seem to be a humble person. Giving up doesn't make you weak you know, just means that you're smart enough to know you want to live another day, because sometimes you need to give up and start over when you are more ready. Going through things when you are not ready is what kills you. If you consider yourself stupid, it seems to me like the word has taken on an entire new meaning.
It is difficult to get rid of, considering it was your entire childhood, but I've heard of so many people suddenly becoming empty shells, refusing to remember and letting whatever happened to them happen. It was sad to see those types of things happen to those people. They died so quickly, it was painful to watch. It was painful to experience their pain when I was made to heal them of their injuries.
I didn't think I would forget. If I ever leave, if I ever get the chance to see outside these walls, I know this place will always linger in my mind, whether I want to forget or not. I hope that one day I will be strong enough to find my way out of this building, some way to escape and perhaps meet with you, because I feel like I have no other purpose at the moment then to keep living and to keep writing these letters to you in hopes of one day I can thank you personally for everything you've done for me.
In all honestly.. If I lose my power I suppose that means I've died. Trust me when I say I would rather push myself and collapse from exhaustion writing you these letters than to have them testing their new machines on me and collapsing that way.
It's amazing you remembered yours with how young you entered and how long you've stayed, but I guess I have no excuse. I'd like to blame them, the way they treated me, I felt like I didn't need to remember anything, but it's my fault. I could have remembered and could have told it to myself everyday, but in the beginning, I gave up and I let them do what they wanted with me without much fight.
Ha. My days are not so interesting. You must remember what they are like, if anything, the only difference is I get to watch those around me injured and crying for help as I am forced to save them. Their wounds become mine and they almost look bitter to know they will live another day. It hurts me to see such an expression, because I wish they were more happy to know they are alive, but unlike me, they have no hopes of escaping. Tomorrow they plan to bring in more scientists, so I've been told by the one who carries these letters between us. Showing off their strongest mutants they have. Unfortunately I seem to be one of them, along with a few others. The only ones who seem to be still fighting. They like that. They like the struggle and then the punishment that comes with it. It's sickening just to think about it.
I am glad to hear you are not alone. How did you meet her? I hope that you two stay together in your travels. It would be difficult staying on your own out there and it would be lonely. Very lonely I imagine. I can understand your feelings with the nightmares. I have them as well and I fear they will only get worse, maybe driving me insane. I'm not one to be paralyzed with fear from them. I scream, the only sound I know, since speaking is forbidden.
He would not tell me much, just they plan on using new machinery to collect people like us. Please be careful with your companion. It would devastate me to hear you've both been caught.
-Experiment 327
I think it's the first time I've laughed in awhile. Just getting your letters and then hearing how much they mean to you as well. It was such an odd sound to hear come from my own mouth. I had to stop, wondering what was wrong with me before I realized it was normal, I was meant to make those kinds of noises, because it meant I was happy. I don't remember the last time I've felt this way, but thank you so much.
I can't help but disagree, but I don't want to argue much on the matter. You seem to be a humble person. Giving up doesn't make you weak you know, just means that you're smart enough to know you want to live another day, because sometimes you need to give up and start over when you are more ready. Going through things when you are not ready is what kills you. If you consider yourself stupid, it seems to me like the word has taken on an entire new meaning.
It is difficult to get rid of, considering it was your entire childhood, but I've heard of so many people suddenly becoming empty shells, refusing to remember and letting whatever happened to them happen. It was sad to see those types of things happen to those people. They died so quickly, it was painful to watch. It was painful to experience their pain when I was made to heal them of their injuries.
I didn't think I would forget. If I ever leave, if I ever get the chance to see outside these walls, I know this place will always linger in my mind, whether I want to forget or not. I hope that one day I will be strong enough to find my way out of this building, some way to escape and perhaps meet with you, because I feel like I have no other purpose at the moment then to keep living and to keep writing these letters to you in hopes of one day I can thank you personally for everything you've done for me.
In all honestly.. If I lose my power I suppose that means I've died. Trust me when I say I would rather push myself and collapse from exhaustion writing you these letters than to have them testing their new machines on me and collapsing that way.
It's amazing you remembered yours with how young you entered and how long you've stayed, but I guess I have no excuse. I'd like to blame them, the way they treated me, I felt like I didn't need to remember anything, but it's my fault. I could have remembered and could have told it to myself everyday, but in the beginning, I gave up and I let them do what they wanted with me without much fight.
Ha. My days are not so interesting. You must remember what they are like, if anything, the only difference is I get to watch those around me injured and crying for help as I am forced to save them. Their wounds become mine and they almost look bitter to know they will live another day. It hurts me to see such an expression, because I wish they were more happy to know they are alive, but unlike me, they have no hopes of escaping. Tomorrow they plan to bring in more scientists, so I've been told by the one who carries these letters between us. Showing off their strongest mutants they have. Unfortunately I seem to be one of them, along with a few others. The only ones who seem to be still fighting. They like that. They like the struggle and then the punishment that comes with it. It's sickening just to think about it.
I am glad to hear you are not alone. How did you meet her? I hope that you two stay together in your travels. It would be difficult staying on your own out there and it would be lonely. Very lonely I imagine. I can understand your feelings with the nightmares. I have them as well and I fear they will only get worse, maybe driving me insane. I'm not one to be paralyzed with fear from them. I scream, the only sound I know, since speaking is forbidden.
He would not tell me much, just they plan on using new machinery to collect people like us. Please be careful with your companion. It would devastate me to hear you've both been caught.
-Experiment 327
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